The bottom line is re-read your post and i bet you will answer your own question. Ask yourself do you want to live this way, does this seem normal? If not you can change the way you live, if you so chose to. You don't have to be addicted to something to realize that you are running from yourself, you don't have to lose everything to realize that you have a problem with drugs/alcohol? People and yourself already said about using it and following the directions, if youre not well then... . Not everyone had to lose or be addicted to something to change their ways to a more healthier life. DisplacedGRITS said it great.
First see the problem which I believe you did now take some action like you are doing, if you are going to meetings you don't have to go with bf, find your own meetings, look for a sponsor and work the steps, after that re-evaluate your life and see what you want to do. People who stopped using and changed their life will probably agree that life without drugs/alcohol is better. Talk with your counselor about your use and ask for their opinion about it, and journaling is great for seeing where you are at, it helps!!!
Keep posting, praying, if possible go to meetings, do something positive for yourself to help with your feelings, give yourself some sober time to re-connect with you!!!
God Bless and i will prat for you!!!