Dear Liz, I know for myself, and my observation of others, it is sometimes a matter of reaching one's "tipping point". The moment when the pain of maintaining the status quo has become greater than the pain of changing. From your posts, it does not seem like things are getting better, so, maybe it is just a matter of time---waiting until the pain becomes more unbearable.
For me, that time came one day when the thought that for the rest of my life I would have to fight for my own identity and autonomy. In that one moment, all the reasons that I had for trying to "make it work" just didn't matter any more. I am so thankful for that precious moment. I have never looked back.
Liz, do you know what the tipping point might look like for you?
In support, dandylion.