There's a difference between being compassionate and wanting to fix everything for him and make it all better.
You can have compassion at any distance. Compassion is good! Compassion is non-judgement and acceptance. Compassion says, "Hey, I know what its like to be human."
Compassion does not sacrifice oneself for the sake of another. That's martyrdom. And what is to be gained?
I'll tell you two things that helped me in the early days was 1) Realizing that my AS could very easily take me down with him if I allow it; and 2) every time I rescue or fix things for him it's like I'm digging his grave. *I* am helping him to die! I guess everyone is different, but I know for sure that it's true in my son's situation.
So for me, compassion means that I treat him with respect and dignity, while giving myself those same gifts. I am not interested in being a martyr or helping my son to die.