Originally Posted by
ForLP 
Now, I have a new question.
Definitely, I don't want to be an enabler any more, but I don't want to be too harsh, cold, cruel person towards my XABF either. I still want him to know that I love him, encourage him and support him.
We don't share any monetary or material responsiblity, so there's no problem of not to offer him any financial aid or shelter, things like that. But now I become super self-conscious, wondering if I will enable him by saying this, or enable him by acting like that... Hope this makes sense to you.
I guess the core concept of not being an enabler is to focus on myself, right? And I know what I say will not make him drink or not drink... But I just don't know how to interact with him any more. XABF definitely needs people to show him love and respect, but how should I show him love and respect? Or is there any poing of staying friends with him in the first place?
I think you can still offer support just by answering the phone and listening but when it comes to enabling you shall not in any way coddle him when he continues to drink. I'm choosing not to contact him at all unless he contacts me and only just for a few minutes to reassure him I love him and i'm beleiving in him, I'm not sure my way will work , then again no one can be positive one way or the other will work. My ExABF has his own things and own job as well , as a matter of fact we both work together just on different shifts. I'm going to bite the bullet and not let him be in my life for more than a 5 min phone call at a time, for my own sanity.
I hope that helps LP, It's unbeleivably hard saying goodbye to someone you care about but we have to beleive it's for the best!
and it will be!