kmangel

I hope you have resolved to insist he move out--and stay out. As things are, it will only get worse. From what you have stated he may move in with family. They will tire of his antics, too. What then?

My son came out of rehab to live with us. I thought after all he'd been through he'd be on the fast track to sorting out the mess he made of his life. Didn't happen. He reverted to the mindset of living with Mom and Dad who do everything for him. After seven long months of his not doing what we expected him to do, we set him free. He moved in with his girl friend. I said to him before he moved in with her "What will you do if it doesn't work out well between the two of you? This (our home) is not Plan B." He was not happy with my comment--said "Thanks Mom, you're always so negative." I just spoke to his girl friend this weekend. They have been living together for nearly four months and all does seem to be going well for them--BUT at the very beginning he did try to pull something and she told him she should ask him to leave but she'd give him one more chance. I wonder if he thought about our home not being Plan B and he straightened up. She says she is not naive and can read the signs of drug abuse (she's a nurse). I hope she really can and will give him the heave ho should he start to abuse drugs again. In the meantime I told her to be very wary of him. It's only been a year since he went through rehab.

If your boyfriend's family lets him go (or when as they will tire of his lazing away getting high) he no doubt will come crying to be let back in with you. Be prepared. Even if he comes to be intent to fight his battle, then it is better for him to detox and get some recovery help outside your home. The best help you can give him is to leave him to do what he needs to do by himself. You can't motivate him, you can't help him. It is an inside job--his inside job. He'll either sink or swim. Right now I think he is using you to stay stuck where he is. He'll use his family when he moves in with them. So convenient isn't it? Just don't fall for his empty promises. Make him prove himself--swim by himself for a good, long time, before ever entertaining the idea of a relationship with him.