ForLP, I echo a lot of things you said in this last post. I went to my first Al-Anon meeting tonight. I had already been working through some self-help and coming to grps with my controlling nature. I had a wonderful talk with a friend recently who discovered she was the same...and stayed with her ABF for 9 years! There is great weight lifted when we realize this, but also a lot of work to do on ourselves. It's likely not going to happen with an ABF in the picture. I wish you strength in this journey of self-discovery.