Originally Posted by
HopefulGF65 
He got so angry he left telling me that this has made him want to use again. Until now, I thought that 99% of the time, he was using for pain.
Interpretation: "I'm using drugs but at least now I can blame you for it! Wow! What a relief!"
Originally Posted by
HopefulGF65 Now I'm at work, disgusted, hurting, angry. I won't move out because I don't have the money to move I'm so broke. Since he owes me money that I let him borrow for bills (I know, I know, I know how dumb that was), I'm not pushing for him to leave because I want him to pay me back and not use his extra money (yet) for moving.
A) He's actively using drugs or very near to a complete relapse, so there's about a .00001% chance you'll ever get that money. Chalk up the losses to experience and move the hell on with your healing. B) Are you sure that is your motive for wanting him to stay? Or are you secretly wishing he'll have an epiphany and/or the recovery fairy will sprinkle magic dust and suddenly make him whole again? Again, .00001% chance of either of those those things happening. Ask him to leave ASAP.
Originally Posted by
HopefulGF65 I asked him before the argument why didn't he go to a relative's house and he said he didn't want to put any of his family members through this (his detoxing). Yet it's ok to put me through it.
Yep! And you require very little from him in the way of acting like a responsible MAN...he can pretty much do whatever he wants and he still has a soft place to lay his head at night. Eh, the relative's house probably wouldn't be nearly as cushy, so what is his motivation to leave?
Originally Posted by
HopefulGF65 I don't want to help him at all even when he asked me the night before to pick him up some things that would help with the detoxing.
This is a tactic my son has used with me many times...it's just a hook to keep you emotionally engaged, playing on your sympathies because we codies are hard wired to drop everything to HELP someone in need. They know this. Believe me. Don't invest your energy this way at all. Detach detach detach.
Originally Posted by
HopefulGF65 Am I doing the right thing by not helping him? I feel so mean but also feel it's necessary for me even though it's a foreign emotion. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.
Absolutely!! You have proclaimed that you are DONE, so BE DONE. He is a big boy who can drive himself to the pharmacy and get whatever he needs. (Oh, wait! Did he also want you to pay for the stuff he needed? )
HopefulGF, you have a codie emergency on your hands. Get yourself to the nearest library (and stay away from the house) and find all you can read about codependency and creating healthy boundaries! Attend Alanon meetings! Go catch up with your family and your girlfriends! Go volunteer somewhere! Do whatever it takes to create as much distance as you can until he is out of the house. Staying engaged with him is only going to confuse you and weaken your resolve.
LET GO OR BE DRAGGED.