A month of no contact
And I should be celebrating. I have been strong. I am enjoying my new home, it has been drama free. I had an interview today for an awesome job which I think went very well. I don't have to turn my phone off at night to stop the annoying calls and texts. He hasn't been able to play the manipulation games or call to tell me that he can't stop drinking without my help or other QUACK, QUACK story.
The last communication he sent me was the day he was served the 180 day restraining order. On that day he was also arrested for violating the temp order and the condition of the easy bond out was no further contact with me.
So what's my problem, you ask? I'm still sad, depressed. It bothers me that I don't know how he is doing. I guess I should assume that he is doing exactly the same crap he was doing before the no contact. He is doing the same thing he has been doing since I moved out over a year ago, and he is doing exactly the same things that forced me to have to move out.
My mind goes to funny places though. When he was drunk texting daily, even with his angry and abusive texts, I at least knew he was alive and ok. I am forced to admit now that there is no future. He is not going to make a real and lasting change, and even if he were to now, it is well past time for me to move on with my life, both for me and my daughter.
I still read here daily, and sometimes realize, I'm not really a friend or family of an alcoholic anymore. I am no longer his family, I am no longer his friend. My heart still breaks.
No contact was what I had to do for my own sanity and so that I can finally reclaim my life. Why am I having trouble moving on?