I am sorry you are going through all this Hopeful. Nothing good comes from active addiction.
Your name is still appropriate...YOUR just "hopeful" about YOUR new life, YOUR new path. I know you are exhausted but some Alanon or Naranon meetings would help. They are NOT about him, they are about YOU. I always feel stronger and re-energized after I leave one.
I pray as you start your new journey, you seek some healthier ways to live you life (if your not), This whole addiction mess can really distort our thinking. God Bless.