LLAWEN

Dear Friends,
I can't believe that I am back to this place in my life. I feel like I have had not a breath to grieve the death of my older son (from non-drug caused car accident), deal with my younger son's subsequent opiate addiction (to pain meds that he needs, but can no longer take) and cope with my 20 year sober husband's rage and depression about both events.

And yet, here am I again terrified by tomorrow's court proceedings, and praying that my younger son will actually get there. Almost two years ago, I thought a stint in detox, a month in rehab, and a gazillion meetings had impressed my younger son, "A.H." such that he seemed returned to life. Despite being robbed (sleeping with one's purse and key to safe now seems normal?), lied to and bullied, we didn't kick him out, but got him into detox/rehab fast. Afterwards, he had ups and downs emotionally, then found a job he loved. I had never seen him so happy or self-assured. A few months later, because neither his manager nor AH seemed to get that off job socializing was a bad idea (both men would go to places on double dates; it was not long before AH's manager got drunk and confided potentially damaging info to AH, and not long afterward, fired AH in fear. AH was an employee at will-as I warned him. That funny, wonderful, loving kid of mine was soon gone again-depressed beyond normal and getting self destructive. It did not help that he was bullied for years in school.

He lied to us. He got caught with drugs.
He has not dealt wth grief.
He stole checks from us so that we can't pay bills. Everything is back in the safe.


Likely you all understand. We have found a long term recovery retreat which I feel happier about, but I have, after many years of dealing with my husband's alcoholism, son's drugs, and son's death SO need time off from this relentless pain.

I will get more specific when I can stop shaking.

Much love to all who suffer similarly.