sounds so familiar to me except i now make sure i have enough drink in the house as i resulted in drink driving just before the shop was about to shut as i felt like i wanted more. I suffer sleeping problems when iv tried to have a night of no drink and it felt horrendous as i would panic so i carried on drinking as drink helps me sleep. I dont drink while my kids are awake so im the same as you, i just wish theyd go to bed so i can start on the drink. its a horrible thing and i cant live my life panicking allday and having to wait around til the night to have a drink, its no life to live and it makes me feel like a failure as a person and a mother. im seeking help now so im extremely looking forward to getting to the point where i can get up and enjoy my day with my kids and not just think "will this day hurry up so i can have a drink". good luck to you i hope things work out well for you