In the first couple weeks of quitting, I.made a running list of behaviors that Id done when I drank that I was ashamed of. I called it my degenerative list. Not that I didnt have compassion for myself, but as you are sobering up more and more comes back to you. Things like not paying bills but buying liquor, lying to those you love, canceling on people who need you cause you are hungover, driving under the influence, saving your calories for liquor, rotating liquor stores, hiding my liquor under my guest bed when I visited others, and much worse stuff too of course. And NO ONE knew in my case. I told a work colleague today (who is sober two years now) how I used to put my hands in my pockets or behind me at work to hide the shakes. She said: "I never knew!" I said, "Thats because Im good. When I drink I am the master secret keeper." Thats what is so astonishing because now that I have nothing to hide, I am so open. Anyway the point is one look at that list of mine and I remember why I can't drink. So, try making your own list as things come back to you. See if it helps.