Liz, one of the things I am picking up in your posts is there is a lot about HIM. He is or isn't doing this, should I or should I not tell him, what will he do, etc.
What really helped me was a little shift in perspective. What did I want? If I took all of her feelings and expectations and drama and drinking out of the equation what did I want? I am up with 2 things.
1 was I wanted things to go back to the way they were before it went bad, but if I was honest I knew she wasn't going to change and that too much had happened for me to pretend it didn't.
2 was I wanted the pain to stop. The only way I could figure out how to do that was to leave. She was the primary source of the pain and I couldn't get better until I could stop the pain.
So, my question to you is, what do you want with your life, after all it is your choice and your choice only.
Your friend,