change in perspective changes everything
I am proud of myself! I know my posts over the past 2 months have been sad because I have been sad...But tonight, as I lay here with my kids watching a movie I am so happy! For the first time since AH walked out on me I laughed with the kids...laughed hard from my gut type of laugh! I am peaceful. Sometimes Ill work myself up during the day or at night and then I use my newfound coping tools and the storm passes.
Of course everyday, all day I miss AH from the depth of my soul and it is right to do so...I am mourning the man he used to be and the man I hoped he'd become again. I can't engage and I just pray and love him from a distance. I don't know what will ever come of our marriage but for the first time in a long time, I'm making my own rules and not reacting to him and it feels so liberating!
Feels so good to have just let it go and realize I am powerless and sit back...not control anything! Hence, Step 1! Its not much but its something so I am going to pat myself on the back because no one else is going to do that for me. I am proud of myself. Thank you SR!