My prayers are silent these days, but I will let you know I'm putting in some extras for you.
You can get through this. You can.
I am just starting to bond with my sister (mom had her 6 years before me, gave her up for adoption, blah blah blah, I was 34 when I found out I DID have a sister -- mom always alluded to having 4 kids and it was a sister).
Your family isn't the only one with secrets.
You aren't alone, you and your family are cared about.
With much love to you,