That is exactly why this board, Alanon, and codependency exist. If they were flaming jerks 100% of the time, there would be no problem kicking them to the curb, right? It's exactly the inconsistency that keeps us hooked.
I once read about a study they did on rats. They set up three cages with rats and treat dispensers. In the first cage, the dispenser was filled once. The rats went there and got treats until it ran out. Once they figured out there were no more treats, they lost interest in it. In the second cage, the dispenser was filled up whenever it ran out. Soon the rats figured out they could have a treat whenever they wanted and they lost interest in it. In the third cage, the dispenser was filled sometimes and not others. There was no pattern or consistency. The rats literally went insane pressing on the lever over and over not knowing if a treat would come out or not. Being married to an alcoholic is like living in rat cage number three.
L