Hi shellcrusher
I have experienced something similiar with my ex AH.
She went to rehab for 3 months and sober lets say it was difficult. A master at blame shifting, victimhood and blame.
And something in me said enough. I have been through 4 years of hell and you cant even say sorry, you cant see the pain youve caused. It dawned on me that sober she was broken.. and it was time to look after me.
Its been 6 weeks single and I have met someone again: Me. No more walking on egg shells, no more resentments , no more waiting for the next relapse.
I was told a leopard never changes its spots.. Sober or Drunk she wasnt the person I hoped she would be.
I hope you come to a place where its about you.
Take Care