You are right where you need to be at this moment! Take a moment to be thankful for the space to feel your feelings in your safe and comfortable environment!!! That is huge....
That said everything you are going to feel (particularly in the beginning) is not going to be pleasant; in fact a lot of it is going to be very uncomfortable. I found that living a life not dancing to someone else's drams to be difficult in the beginning...even though I knew it should be joyful; I didn't trust myself or the emotional peace in my environment. I had a silly little thing I would do when I crashed to the negative and most uncomfortable places....I set a timer for 15 minutes and just went for it....all the pain, self pity, wallowing, anger, sadness, self deprecation ... all of it just let it out there - and experience it. When the timer went off...Done...until I needed to do it again. I gave myself permission for a certain period of time and then spent my energy focusing on self care; positive self talk, hot baths, candles, music, funny movies, warm pjs, lots of sleep, fuzzy socks, cuddling kitties, comfort food, talking to friends...posting here.
It takes time to create a safe place for yourself after not having one for years. Please be patient with yourself and reward yourself for finding things that make you feel safe and secure.
It gets better very quickly from this point if we are kind to ourselves.....