Have to go back to the Alcoholic Family :(
my Gram just got moved to a new nursing home in upstate NY where i am originally from. I live in FL now for 5 years and havent gone back since i moved. Said I would never go back- totally abusive, alcoholic dry drunk father, enabling mother, psychologically abusive Aunt all who looked the other way my whole life. Was sexuallly and physically abused by my father...
Gram is 87 with vascular dementia., I thought i said my goodbys when i left 5 years ago. However, after this recent turn of events: I truly miss her. She was my savior as a child. My bro and i spent many weekends with our grandparents free of the military type house we were raised in. I have PTSD and an anxiety disorder from the childhood.
Some would think i was setting myself up for a fall by going. I just need to see her one more time. I will set limits on the amount of time i spend with my mother and will not see my father...its been years and yes they are still married.
Family has no where for us to stay (thank God) so my brother, who is also in recovery and therapy will stay in a hotel room with me and we are renting a car. I am going to have room service and an indoor pool gosh darn it.
I have an anti anxiety med. I will need it. Already i am a little manic just planning and thinking about the trip. But see; i dont want to have anymore regrets: that I didnt see her, that I let her go too soon. I will be attending Alanon for sure.
Thanks for listening. I just needed to share this with people who "get it". Please dont tell me not to go- I need to for my soul.