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Old 06-15-2012, 05:32 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
EnglishGarden's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
Our "mistakes" before we find recovery and therapy are almost always the result of a trauma in our early childhood. We are not aware of why we feel connected to someone who is not good for us. This is because of a very common psychological syndrome called "trauma repetition." It means we hook up with abusers if we have been abused. We hook up with abandoning persons if we have been abandoned. We hook up with narcissists if we had self-absorbed parents. We hook up with dominators if we were told we could never do anything right.

Lala, do not cry at night with shame or guilt, there is absolutely no basis for it.

And in my experience, the parents who are hardest on themselves for their "stupid mistakes" are very often the ones who are the most devoted to their children and the least narcissistic.

I see a lot of parents out there thinking their children are "great" because the parents think THEY were "great" , never divorced, never had addictions. Well, I am here to tell you, Lala, that in my experience those parents are often delusional and grandiose.

Humility and a willingness to grow is what makes a good parent, and you have both qualities. Your daughter will love you for that.
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