Duh I am not being very mindful and trying to multi-task (unsuccessfully).
For me recovering from this experience has been a grieving process. I went through all the stages but acceptance in the first year. This year I have not had denial or bargaining, but have had a lot of anger and depression kind of oscillating back and forth. At the moment I am holding a bit of both....especially for old and familiar things like my family growing up. I have not really had a lot of acceptance yet.
I am trying to look at it like I am a plant. It hurts to grow, but one of the things that helps me to grown is fertilizer....we all know that good fertilizer is a bunch of manure. I have to wade through a bunch of manure for my growth to happen. I think I need fishing waders that come up to my chest for my wading right now.