Oh I have been there on both accounts. It is so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when I am there.
Therapy to help me feel better at times has is such a struggle. I have always come through it better on the other side.
I am learning to have emotions in therapy, but I am having them with no coping skills in place. I have a lot of tears, anger, and even physical symptoms after sessions (I had one episode of four hours of burping....).
About the family stuff. I am starting to realize that even when I get healthy I will not be able to live by them again (a dream I have always had). Or at least I won't be able to for awhile.
I had to make a list one time of how to take care of myself. My list included but was not limited to:
Getting a pedicure
Taking a bath
Not setting an alarm clock
Warm drinks (non-alcoholic)
I had to post them all over the house so I would remember.
Just sending warm thoughts your way.