FJ can you get some distance away from this "best friend" ? and anyone in contact with your XABF?
I removed myself from anyone who knew XABF. I was able to meet new people and relax knowing they had NOTHING to do with XABF.
One day you won't give a damn. I swear.
Meanwhile take care of yourself, I suggest Alanon and AA meetings as a visitor, I swear some AA meetings when I was suffering imagining XABF and his "great life", were the no.1 healer, I was able to remember why I left and no shiny Mercedes, castle in France, trip to Hawaii or whatever would be worth inner peace and a life without the toxicity of active addicts , or just toxicity of people that don't hold you dear and cherish you.