Originally Posted by
lizatola 
because I won't take down any walls if I really want to give the marriage last shot at success. And, truly, I do. I am not ready to walk away, maybe I'm just hard headed but I guess I feel that I should at least try. If I fail, then I can at least say I gave it my all, which is NOT what I've been doing now. Mostly, I just sit around and complain about him and get angry. That's certainly not being productive.
Pardon the snip, but what I've quoted above seems to be the pertinent part. I think you might want to ask yourself what this means. Because I was at the same crossroads when I began therapy. I wanted my marriage to work. What I soon realized, though, is that my "marriage working" really meant "him changing." If that is what you want, then you may as well give it up now and save yourself a lot of heartache.
If you really want your marriage to work, the only way is to accept him, exactly as he is and stop expecting him to live up to your standards. This was a hard one for me, because I couldn't understand how you cannot have expectations for a husband. What I learned was, it's okay to have expectations for a husband (the role of husband), but it's futile to expect a person to fill the role just because you have cast them in it.
So really, it's your choice to make. You can accept him as he is and modify your expectations of the husband role, or you can uncast him in that part. There is no molding him into who you want him to be, no forcing a square peg into a round hole. I believe that is why you are angry and you have total control over your own expectations.
L