Aren't you really asking- how do I become totally and completely ok and accepting of everything my husband has done, ok and accepting of how he treats our Son and me, ok and accepting of his drinking etc. and ok and accepting that all will likely continue on as it has because I don't see myself ever leaving?
If memory serves me and pls correct me if I am wrong, your husband hasn't done anything to date to make any real changes for himself or your relationship. A successful relationship takes two people communicating and moving forward in the same direction toward common goals.