I used to live with people like this, like you describe. Like so many other posters describe here. For many years and with many different people. I would put up with all of kinds of stuff like this but I'd be miserable and unsatisfied in every aspect of my life. "Throw me a bone," I'd often say under my breath. I'd sacrifice. I'd clean up after. I'd tolerate. I'd fix. And lose my temper every so often. I'd judge the person. I'd tell them ALL the things that were WRONG with them and still they would do nothing to fix it! I'd beg, plead, cry. I'd complain, throw things, act out, awfulize. I'd blame myself. I'd feel bad about myself because I thought, "I MUST have caused this because if he really loved me then he would <fill in the blank>. My life was just packed with drama and chaos. Mostly because of how I would react to whatever the person was doing or not doing, or did or was going to do. I would treat the person poorly, be abusive even, and feel justified in doing so. After all, I was the sober one, the one working on myself, etc. I was the one who was RIGHT and everyone else agreed with me!
I eventually figured out I was Self-Righteous and Judgmental and thought I was the Center of the Universe, and I realized I did not want to be that way. I did all kinds of things, and thought all kinds of ways, and said all kinds of nastiness, that I am ashamed to admit. All because I chose to live with people who do not want to live their lives the same way I like to live mine. I treated them like $hit and felt Justified. I try not to do that anymore. I try to surround myself only with like-minded people, people who do not drink or do drugs. I get along with those kinds of people much better than drinkers or druggers.
I am no longer trapped and it sure feels good.