Hi there!
I spent so many years of my life fighting over taking out the garbage and scrubbing the toilets. I was so frustrated and annoyed that my AH couldn't or wouldn't live up to MY expectations. I wanted things done, and it felt so irresponsible and disrespectful that he continues to just do his own thing.
The one... And ONLY... Thing that made my situation better was...
Acceptance.
I had to accept the fact that taking out the garbage and cleaning the toilets just didn't matter to my AH, or at least not as much to me as is did to him. I had a choice though (we always have choices!)... Take it or leave it. It's that simple. I had to accept him as is and then decide if that worked for me.
The final answer for me was... No. I wanted more, and it was very much okay to want more. It was NOT okay though for me to keep demanding him to change to meet my needs. In a "normal" (whatever that is) relationship, two people are partners working together. That can't happen in an alcoholic relationship because one of the partners has a primary relationship with alcohol. The quicker I ACCEPTED that reality... The quicker life calmed down and I moved on to a path towards happiness.
I understand your pain and anger. I remember being SOOO flipping mad. I did all sorts of crazy (but they are funny now!) things to show him how angry I was. Didn't do us any good... Just made me look nuttier than him!
I pray you find acceptance today... And then let go!