Thank you guys for the response, I have vowed never to go near a drink anymore. I realize exactly what I lost due to it and I never want to hurt anyone like I did to her again. I didn't see it at the time, I just thought I was having fun when she was desperately trying to reach out to me.
She stood by me and changed my life, She will probably never see these messages but my intention was try to apologise to myself and her. We had a great life together and because of me I have ruined it for the both of us.
Now she says she hates me for what I have done and is so dissapointed and hurt that she has lost trust with not just me but almost everyone.
I don't know if it's repairable, She does still contact me about various things such as "how the computer is set up" or car problems. I don't know exactly what this means if it means anything but something tells me she still wants contact if only minor contact.
It's not going to be easy but with the right help and advice such as this board I know I am a strong enough person to get on with my life sober. At the moment I'm just so anoyed with myself for messing things up.