After much good advise here at SR, I decided that every time I think of AXH, I am going to say "he is dead", after all a divorce is just that, the end of the relationship, he even stop talking to our children (stepchildren for him). It has been over two years and last week I made my last attempt to contact him. Something just snap inside me, and I feel better and stronger and for the first time in long time I am enjoying my life with me and with my BF and all the good people in my life.
It does get better...now I can really say that.
Take care.