"Those are from yesterday!"
"Those are from like six months ago when Fresh and Easy first opened!"
"The carpet is wet because I spilled water on it!" even tho it smells like beer
"That beer is ice cold because it has been in my closet!" Funny I didn't know your closet was a refridgerator...
"I drink because you are a bad person"
"There's nothing wrong with having a beer and watching the game" funny how there is always some sporting event on TV.
"I raised myself to drink this much"
"I was reading on the internet how bad beer is for you, and milk is really bad too. So I'm going to stop drinking milk!" He actually did stop drinking milk, but not the beer!
"I asked that girl out (a girl he works with) for a beer because it's a joke! I was making fun of our boss!" I read this message on his phone when he was passed out drunk. Her reply was "I thought everything was better!"
Yesterday I followed him to store and he saw me, but he had already bought a bottle of wine. So he left it on table with a note saying "I bought this for you!"