Hi DestinyM. Thank you so much for posting this because I really needed to hear it! I also am stressing out very badly lately because of someone else's decisions and behaviors. Neither alcohol nor drugs is involved in what this person is doing, but it has me obsessing too, with racing heart and sick stomach, trying to figure out what the hell is going on and what is going to happen next. Waiting for the axe to fall.
I think I'm still reacting out of old patterns. I try to be in a relationship with someone (fill in 12 or so names here), and I don't like how they live their life because it hurts me and/or disturbs mine, so I do everything I know to try to create the environment I think that person needs. I try to figure out "what's wrong" with them and what they need to do to "fix" their problems or, worse yet, what I need to do to fix their problems. So that I can have some peace and a calm heart and a calm mind, and the relationship I want. Here's a list of things that have been "wrong" with guys I've tried to be in relationships with and what I did to fix them: His father beat him so I need to show him how much I love him and he will be better.. He's not in touch with his feelings so he needs to see a therapist. He drinks too much so he needs to go to AA. He does drugs so he needs to go to NA. He has Bi-Polar so he needs lithium. He's stressed because of his bills so let me pay them so he can be happy (fill in amounts here, $8,000 then $14,000 then $20,000 of my hard-earned savings). He's depressed so he needs an anti-depressant. He has ADHD so he needs to be evaluated and get put on the right stimulant or other medication. He lives in a bad environment so I need to provide him a place to stay. No one ever took care of him so I need to do his laundry. His previous GF/wife did not love him so I need to cook gourmet meals for him. His kids don't appreciate him so I need to show them how great of a guy he is. He has insomnia so he needs to see the doctor and get sleep medication. Honestly, I could go on and on and on. But I think everyone gets the picture.
At a certain point I realized there is nothing WRONG with any of them. This is just the way THEY have chosen to live their life. Whether or not I choose to have that kind of behavior in my life is up to me. Yes, this is very difficult to do I admit. But I cannot live someone's life for them. I cannot make someone else's choices for them. I can only do my very best to take the very best care of me as I can.
Hope my share here helps you somehow. I will add, yoga has been great for me and relieving and preventing anxiety. Maybe you can find a class local to you.