Thread: Slipping
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Old 06-10-2012, 09:11 PM
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DestinyM
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Baltimore MD
Posts: 67
Slipping

I'm feeling as though I may be experiencing a "slip" - serenity losing its priority. When I first noticed the behavior/attitude change in my RAH I felt as though it was his problem and I wasn't about to spend my time obsessing and trying to figure out what had brought on the latest change. I was too busy having went back to work after a month long layoff to spend my free time in his head. I justified my behavior as a cross between detachment, self preservation and "having a life." It's been almost a month now and it feels as though he's upping the ante by staying out later, leaving out early, not answering my calls and calling me back hours later, not speaking to me except out of necessity (like tonight he wanted the bill money, so he asked if I had my half after he got it, there was nothing more to say.) He doesn't work but I did ask him today, when he finally answered the phone, if he had gotten a job. I was some how trying to figure out what he's doing with his time and who was he with. A futile effort on my part as it was met with one word answers. I knew I was going over the edge when I found myself going online to view his cell phone activity and playing the ID the number game. I felt low and pathetic.

When things get like this I begin to digress back into that feeling I had as a child. My mom is an ACOA and was rather emotionally abusive. My father, well let's just say I have abandonment issues due to him. I hate to feel ignored and unsupported, it puts me in fight or flight mode. I'm under a lot of stress and pressure at work and having an unstable home life on top really has me feeling like running away. My emotions are running the gambit of anger, frustration and anxiety. I've been praying that my HP step in on my job front because this past week had me feeling like quitting every other day but I know I need the money to survive. I feel so overwhelmed and don't know what to do with myself. I can barely concentrate on anything because it all feels like too much. I really feel like I could go off at the drop of a hat. I'm trying hard to let go and let God but I'm failing miserably..

Any ES&H would be appreciated. Thanks.
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