Everytime I come to this website, it's like going to an al-anon meeting. I get what I need each time from reading stories so similar to my own. Today I was feeling crazy because my AH has been trying to "act" normal too. He's being very nice and thoughtful, but I, like all of you, know that he's trying to lure me back in. I've been married for over 30 years to this man, but the smoke screen is no longer there for me, and I'm seeing far too clearly for his benefit. I cannot let those walls down any more because past history has taught me that it's not a safe thing to do to myself. I feel that the relationship cannot continue with him drinking. I'm trying to take care of me and find myself after my many years of codependency. It's tough to live this way, but I've learned to expect nothing but more heartache from this man. When I get something besides heartache, I'm no longer swooned or won over. Hang in there, Lizotola, you are on your way to sanity and clarity for YOU.