I am waiting for Nov to come for him to be officially my xah. Nov is when the arrest is expunged and AH can't use it as any sort of "issue" in our divorce. I argued with my own lawyer for weeks about how I didn't care what AH would do and how he'd use it against me and that I just wanted the divorce DONE. But reason won on. It is not worth risking the custody battle that AH could (though I doubt he would) choose to pursue and say that I am the one with the current "record"... I could wind up screwed big time. So, I wait patiently until Nov. We have a notarized, agreed to with lawyers "custody" plan at the moment, we have maintained a joint bank acct (but I have a separate one that he doesn't know about and it's in my name only for emergency use if need be) but I am the one with online access to it (bc he's never once asked for access) and I am in the process of completing the long process of applying for a loan modification so that I might be able to stay in my house. My plan with my neighbor makes me feel safe and other than the legality of being married, I in no way feel connected to AH except through our daughters. My brother works with AH and told me about a month ago that he is pretty sure AH is "dating" a woman in their department. I laughed and said I was thrilled to hear it (bc the more he can focus on someone else, the less he'll focus on me and the girls and we'll all be better off for it).