Lizatola,
I am right there with you. My AH had his doctor appointment today. I do not know what he disclosed to the doctor or what the doctor said to him. I was not home when he got here to change for work. But what I found when I got here was a dozen roses, and a card. I won't go into all the wording, but basically he says he's been blind to what he's been doing to me, and can't believe I haven't already left him. He thanked me for that.
He says he is ready to change the way he treats people so he can get better, and if he gets better, then we will get better. He is not in a program, but only drinking an occasional low-alcohol beer, which is within a boundary I set long ago. I don't mind seeing someone enjoy a beer, but can't stand drunks.
So, like you, I am wondering about the wall I have put up. He says, in the card, that he understands that forgiveness and trust may take a long time. I agree with so many friends on here that our A's know how to suck us in, manipulate, and play nice until our guard is down. Ugh!!! So frustrating. Keep working on you, and I'll keep working on me. Deal?