Humm I am total binger where I go weeks and at times months sober and then wham , its 2, 3 ...who knows how many days downing vodka, and lots of it, or anything else when withdrawals come haunting. When your shakes are calmed by vanilla extract its a real clue I guess..talk about down and desperate , but its the truth.
The cycle of the sober time and the binge time has varied a lot....but no question , once that first drink hits , who knows when it ends.....and now even a small binge hurts like hell to withdraw from ...meds or no meds. A true sign to underscore what I still need to work ...I can never drink , period.
Maybe this binge crap fooled me for a long time but the lack of honesty with myself and selective memory seemed to go along with it ....but reality is , I am an alcoholic. 1 drink is way too many and 10000 never enough