Jazzman- you know, what you describe fits him perfectly and i hadn't even thought of that as his motivation until right now...
He's done this before many many many times (before and after we parted ways) and I always assumed he just wanted to see if he could jerk me around and that there was nothing deeper to it than that. But it makes perfect sense that he'd want to change the terms of visitation that we have agreed to because a better social opportunity came up. The girls clearly cramp his style and it's nearly the end of his school year and this coming weekend is historically the big end of the year bash (that the past 3 years has resulted in his getting and staying drunk most of the weekend).
I suppose under different circumstances I might have offered to swap days so that he could attend the end of the year party (if that's even what he wants/wanted) but I don't feel one bit of guilt or obligation to accomodate his desire to get drunk.
Thinking about the reasons he might have wanted to swap days gives a whole new perspective to his claims of being afraid of my reaction and thus not wanting to ask. The reality is that if he said to me "hey I want to swap days so I can get drunk with my buddies" I'd obviously say no. So, he'd rather paint himself as a victim of my "reactions" than admit to himself that his reasons for wanting to trade times all revolve around drinking....
Got 3 more texts during the day in addition to the gem earlier. First the name calling, then guilt tripping and in the last one now he's reverting to threatening that I am refusing to communicate about the girls needs and that he is "documenting" my stubborness. He's such an idiot. He calls me a b*itch and c*nt and thinks I am going to reply to anything that follows? LOL!
that's precisely what I imagine is at the root of this... his drinking social calendar... why have the kids when there's opportunity to drink with