When the A is acting nice and normal?
I know this is a weird question but what do you do when all of a sudden the A in your life gets normal? You know, like pleasant, cooperative, nonconfrontational, helpful, etc. I want to let my guard down but I have so many walls up that I never know what to do. It's that roller coaster that they put us on and now that jail is over, I guess he's back to normal? But, how is that fair to me? He put us through his crappy emotions for the past few months; up and down, up and down, passive aggressive, mean, and confrontational and now he's back to nicey nice and so what do I do?
I used to just go along with it and get nice right back at him and soften myself. My therapist even told me yesterday that I need to soften and take down some walls but I am so afraid of being hurt again that I keep them up to protect myself. She also said that if I can't do that then I need to be more assertive about making it clear that I need a break from his craziness and all the stuff with the DUI. Hence, the reason I'm going to FL for 3 weeks.
I know he's not drinking right now and won't be for the next 11 days because of the home detention system but who knows if he'll drink again once that's over. He just drove on his suspended license and drank 9 days ago, I'm guessing it will happen again. So, there's this part of me that feels I need to protect myself from his future actions and yet, there's this part of me that wants to trust again. I hate feeling stuck and like I'm sitting on the fence. One side of me wants to retreat and the other wants to keep pushing forward and pursuing a better relationship and then take down a few walls in the process. Hey, I've already been hurt enough, why not open myself up for more? UGH!