For me, the issue of "no one else will ever want me", or "I'll spend the rest of my life alone" have never been the problem. In this marriage I am already alone and have been for a long time. The crumbs of love he's offered ever so rarely are just meaningless quack. Once I get my financial situation in order, I will leave. Better for me to be alone without all the chaos and quackery than alone and putting up with it.