Hang in there too Emily, it does get better
My emotions were all over the place. A very wise long time sober AA woman told me I was in mourning the loss of alcohol and I just kind of laughed at her. She then had me write a goodbye letter and I called her back the next day and told her out looked like some sappy love letter...she told me to keep writing till I got to the breakup.
Then I realized it was in the top 4 of my longest relationships.