One of the hardest things that recovery from grief has taught me is this.....all of my emotions are there for a reason, and I just make them worse when I judge them. That does not mean I get to act on all of them, but for me anger and disgust (at times hate) helped me to get things done that were best for me instead of as previously making my emotions all about someone else.
Alcoholism stinks. Affairs do to. I don't know if they are related or not, except that they both made me feel similar....crazy and off balance.
Be gentle with yourself right now, this is hard stuff you are working on.