Dear Liz,
If you don't feel able to say to your husband: "Things are so crazy here I think son and I could use some time apart from you," then how safe is this environment generally for you and your son? What you're describing sounds like an absolutely insane environment for a 13-year-old kid to grow up in.
Re: the driving on a suspended license:
1. Check your insurance. If he gets into an accident whilst driving on a suspended license he most likely won't be covered at all. Even if it's not his fault.
2. If he god forbid injuries or kills someone whilst driving on a suspended license--and it comes out that you knew he was driving on a suspended license and did not notify the court--YOU could be sued.