Read the Big Book of AA (can be found on line). No doubt you will relate and find yourself in many of the stories. It was a great start for me in understanding what I was truly dealing with.
Read books by others who have struggled with addiction and went on to live a life we all deserve.
Stay close to your friends here at SR....you'll find out quickly that the friends here want nothing but the absolute best for you and will be here for you on your journey through the ups & downs.