So I'll be honest, I took that long walk, got to the door and when I tried to open it the thought of my SR family was so strong I literally didn't have the stregth to open it so I turned around and came home. I guess I got some exercise and maybe a lesson in love and support. I still feel miserable but at least miserably sober. BUT as OMD sing "It's in your heart and not your head". Thank you all so much. My words can't express it.