Originally Posted by story74

I'm so sorry for your pain, but glad to hear you are healing.

It took 7 months for me to realize that I shouldn't respond/contact. I read and read everything I can on this site and it all finally just sunk in. I accepted that I coulnt change his mind. That he was an addict and that there was NO rationalizing. Disappointment after disappointment left me colder and colder. Its nice to hear you have empathy...I have none. He has hurt me and my son so badly I don't think I can ever forgive unless he proves himself otherwise. I would cry to and from work. I would obsess about it all day, but something clicked. I want peace and happiness. I think I was honest with myself and let myself feel, which lead to healing. I accepted everything, and moved on. I am lonely and battle with some minor depression and anxiety, but I'm finding ways to help with that...yoga, st. Johns wort and walerium tea! I have realized I don't need him to be happy. I don't need him to have a family. That a drug addict should not be in our life. It is sad. Every holiday I feel sorry for him that he is missing out and just angry that he chose drugs and whores over his family. He never grew up. I worry about my son and his future. But, this whole situation has been such a positive learning experience for me. I have awknowledged and dealt with my anger. I have become more patient. I have realized that life isn't perfect, but its how you come out of the bad times. I have more empathy for people and children who are going thru rough periods in their life. I actually feel more warmth, love and kindness towards others. And my son. My son saved me. He is my sun. Everything I do and everything I am is for him. Life is too beautiful. We don't need to deal with the pain and craziness of an addict. Good luck to all.