Liza, in kind of same situation as you. I keep hoping and hoping and hoping that my A will just get it and get into a recovery program. We aren't married but do have a 2 year old together. I have made up my mind that if he hasn't started a recovery program by 6/18/12 then on 7/18/12 I will be turning in my 30 day notice as my lease is up on 8/18/12. I have told A my plan and told him I want him to get help, but ultimately it is up to him to decide to make that choice.
My reluctance with leaving him has been 1) I don't want to live with my mom 2) I want to have a *Family Unit* for my son and 3) I don't want to live with my mom ... LOL. My mom will help me out and all but I am 37 and just like my own space. But, at this point it really is the lesser of two evils situation and I am going to have to live with my mom until I can work something else out.
I guess, sometimes a move just needs to be made to start the wheels of change. If I were to stay in the same place in the same situation, it will just be more of the same. I have given my A plenty of warning, plenty of pep talks, plenty of love and support and guess what, IT DOESN'T WORK. I am tired of putting my life on hold, tired of living in fear of the what-if this what-if thats. I think when children are involved people stay to try to protect them from maybe unsupervised visits or what not, but at this point, I just want my son to know what normal is, what an un-argumentative, anxiety-free environment is really like.
My A went out of town for 6 days and I knew by the first and second day that I am OK with him being out of my life in a r/s sense. I didn't miss him one little tiny bit, not an iota of a second. That speaks volumes to me because I am the type of person who is very loyal and likes having my SO around, except my A has become not so significant to me anymore.
Good luck to you, I have a feeling both of us are going to make it out of our predicaments A-OK.