Two days ago I signed a lease on the MOST AMAZING office for myself. It has 12' high white tin ceilings, a working fireplace, wooden floors and a gorgeous view of downtown.
A few days before that I was struggling...yet again sorting through the traumatizing negative affects of my latest "mini-slip" with the ex. I was with a friend who helped me through it and encouraged one of my final detaching actions...I realized that instead of going through and processing every detail of the slip...instead of defending against the assault of blame, shame, deflection and criticism...I could just let go, again.
So I did. For one thing it is just too embarrassing to have to process yet again...over and over, insanity style....to try to justify and/of deny the kind of character attacking, spiritually abusive garbage that the mechanisms of addiction were throwing at me.
So instead I directed my energy toward the next inventive, creative, progressive, development in my own life. I used my imagination toward my vocation and creative play. And? VOILA!!
This office space APPEARED...with just the tiniest amount of scratching the surface I not only have a simply and totally amazingly gorgeous space...it also is situated in the middle of the most fabulous wedding venue in my city...an amazing Italian Renaissance style 13,000 sg ft mansion. This means that I have a whole host of built in clientele and I become high profile in my field.
I am done dragging my emotions through the muck. I had to learn to quit doing it.
Every single time I have turned away life has shown up with truly amazing, beautiful, creative opportunities for me to grow and be happy and evolving and standing true and tall.
My friend (who encouraged my cell disconnect AND my imagination of an office...which turned then into an actual office in less than a week!) said, wow...some people get a tap on the shoulder and a smile when they are on the right path. I feel like I keep getting lightning bolts.
Of course he will be in my memory. And that is okay! But he will no longer belong in my personal space berating me to my face. I love myself and I am gently trusting in these beautiful opening doors, that all will be okay, and in fact life is waiting for me. My time will no longer be spent wrestling with a demon. My time will be spent appreciating and loving the blessings in my life.