This detaching thing is what I am also working on. What I'd like to know is if we can detach ourselves from the A and all the bull crap that goes with them, and still have a relationship that includes physical contact. I know that I can now look at my AH and think, "do whatever you want, but if alcohol's involved, leave me out of it", but what to do when the A in your life wants to have intimacy, and you're just not feeling it? Then the accusations fly. "I am being nice, and good, and you still don't want me to touch you. Don't you love me anymore?"