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Old 05-30-2012, 11:32 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
JustCallMeBeani
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Oyster Bay, NY
Posts: 14
Originally Posted by SoaringSpirits View Post
PS, I meant counseling for YOU. Counseling for the two of you is a waste of time and money as long as he's unable to look at his addiction.
My husband keeps on insisting that we seek marital counseling. He recently began drinking again and thinks are taking a turn for the worst. He is manipulating me into thinking that I am the problem, seeking validation to drink from his mother (the enabler) and his friend (the addict) and shuns away anyone who tells him he needs to seek help before it's too late - which is why he wants to see someone. However, he refuses to see a counselor who is familiar with chemical dependency and substance abuse. Me (the one who tries to control everything) is trying to find ways around it and seeking a counselor who is familiar with this kind of stuff. I need to learn to let go and detach, and have faith that my "Higher Power" will guide us to the appropiate person who can insist that he looks at his addiction. I will be going to my first Al-Anon meeting tomorrow.

As for your boyfriend, I completely understand what you are going through. My daughter is 5 months old and I had to hide my pain medication after having a c-section, in fear that he would take it. I kept a log of every pill I took and counted the pills each time I took it. Again, I was trying to control the situation and prevent him from relapsing. When he did relapse about a month ago, I hid the left over medication. I only needed it for the first week and after that motrin alone was plenty. I should probably take it to the police and have it properly discarded rather than keeping it in the house, waiting for it to expire.

As for your question regarding counseling, I am in the same boat! I want to see a counselor with my husband but, he refuses to see one who will force him to look at himself. He "refuses to play the role of an addict in our marriage" and believes he is not an addict and that "I want him to be." Excuse me? Why the F*** would I wish this vicious disease on anyone and then deliberately choose to live my life with an active addict? I made a commitment to him when we were married that I would stand by him through sickness and health. I am going to try to keep the promise that I made, unless his behavior becomes unacceptable and out of control. I have to protect myself and my daughter because we are most important right now. In order to try to make this work, I know that I have to work on myself and find support, love, and tools on how to make this situation healthy for me in the time being. This is why I am going to attend Al-Anon. I agreed to give counseling a try in hopes that he will see that he is very sick and needs help before things completely spiral out of control.

Good luck!
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