Dear Liz, from my experience, it is sometimes impossible to see the forest for the trees when you are so close and entwined in a bad situation. One has to stand way, way back to get accurate, objective perspective on what is really going on.
Detachment "with love" is a hard concept to grapple with. I have come to believe that the first step is detachment. With sufficient detachment, then, other pieces of the puzzle can fall into place. One gets more clarity, in other words. Just don't worry about the "love" part at this point.
Additionally, some people have more issues than simply addiction going on. Some issues are even more resistent to treatment/recovery than even addiction. My children's father has a narcissistic personality disorder. We finally divorced as I simply couldn't live like that. These many, many years later, he hasn't changed a bit. He still doesn't think he has any problems! By the way, he isn't even an addict.
I offer these comments simply as food for thought. I know this is a difficult time for you.
Dandylion